Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize