I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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