I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
