i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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