K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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