I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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