If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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