In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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