I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
