turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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