ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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