All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
