just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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