do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
