dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
