the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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