M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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