i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
