So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will be naked everywhere
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
