community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
