What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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