Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
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do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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