You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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