Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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