Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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