people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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