Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
