There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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