I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
