my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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