My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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