Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
