So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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