Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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