If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
