this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
