remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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