we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
