"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
