the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
