Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
