FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
