I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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