you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
