whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
