I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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