I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
