I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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