Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
