Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize