It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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