He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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