I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
