hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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