I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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