i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
