she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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