I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
