he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
50% drunk capacity currently
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
